What if…
you woke up one day with a severe headache?
As if an army of builders was relentless reconstructing the attic of your brain...and the sound of their smashing hammers was felt on each sides of your head, in a frustrating perfect rhythm.
Would you –just like me- try to get rid of it?
And what if…
you wholeheartedly believed that ‘surrendering’ was the ultimate answer to all of your questions?
If you madly, firmly and deeply believed that all of your -tiny and giant- sufferings, including that headache, would be instantaneously healed by the magic balsam of your own surrender?
Would you then –just like me- choose the path of surrendering?
And what would be your approach to this?
Would you try to fight your way into it, making the thoughts you didn’t like, your worst enemy?
Would you do everything you possibly could to avoid them ?
Would you yell at them to “just shut up”?
would you eat them away? Drink them away? Smoke them away? Curse them away?
Would you try to bury them underneath layers and layers of ‘better-feeling- thoughts-frosting’?
Would you throw spiritual lighting balls at them, and even hire other people to join you in the fire fight?
Or would you try all of those things... preferably at the same time... like I did/do?
But what if…
you came to the realization that no matter how hard you’ve tried,
how loudly you’ve yelled and how far you’ve travelled…
you hadn’t progressed one little bit?
Allow me to fill you in on my feeling response to that question; frustration!
Like ‘out-of-my-mind-frustration'!
I was so extremely frustrated that I gathered my last strength, that tiny bit of energy that was left… and screamed out loud:
“Fucking hell… I don’t know how to surrender to this! Teach me, God damned! Teach me!!”
Unfortunately, I'll have to end this blog entry with some very dissepointing and maybe heartbreaking news;
the teacher has never showed up.
There came no brilliant answer on how to surrender.
All they sent me was one deep, long silence.
But boy... was it delicious! :-)
