Vanvouver Angel five... For Kristien with love.

Today was just “one of those days”.  Sigh.
You know…
a foggy day, a confusing day, a sad day, a tiring day…
All at once and at full speed!
I call those days my A.P.-days;
Automatic Pilot-days.

No inspiration on what to do or where to go.
No bubbly feelings from within.
No euphoric laughter.
No ecstatic joy.
Only a vague sense of being lost
and craving something
that can’t seem to be found.

I used to have quite a lot of these days
but even though I feel experienced in having them,
I never really learned how to deal with them.
I guess I never realized
there was a valuable lesson to be learned.
But I realized it today…
and because I didn’t want to spend
the rest of my life trying to avoid these heavier days…
this Student felt ready to learn from the Master.

It was a “teach-me-how-to-love-something-day”…
Because if I can’t love something (anything!)
I simply feel incomplete.

I tried to love the day,
but that looked like too much of a challenge.
I tried to love the environment,
but I got too distracted by my own thought trains.
I tried to love the people I met,
but caught myself staring at the ground most of the time.

I tried and I tried.
I failed just as many times.

I guess that’s  the thing about love;
love doesn’t try…
love simply loves.
So was there anything –anything at all- that I could love effortlessly today?

Yes. There was.

There was simply me… loving me,
no matter who this “me” turned out to be today.
I was being my own best friend,
by loving whatever arose from deep within myself.
Without judging or labeling it.
Without trying to change it,
ignore it
or push it away.

Instead embracing everything  unconditionally
like little children who were begging
for me to love them.

And so I did.
I loved my sadness as only I could love it.
I loved my confusion as I have never loved it before.
I cried  my tears as only I could cry them
and loved myself while doing it.

It was a big day.
I found the next angel in line for me to love…
and it turned out to be me today.

Today was not a P.A. -day.
Today was an A.P. -day:
A Personal Angel -day.

How. I. Loved. This. Day.